So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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