i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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