Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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