On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize