Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Houston, we have a blender
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
