the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
