I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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