Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
