Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
