Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
