if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
