Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
