That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
