How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize