If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
