hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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