I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
