doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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