I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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