just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I would ride that face into the sunset
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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