You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize