i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
