The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
