If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
