Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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