He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize