dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
