i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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