I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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