Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
