I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
