I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
