She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He told me they were just razor bumps!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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