Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize