Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
