I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
