Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
