my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
