I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Girls should come with a carfax report
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
