I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
