last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
