oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
