I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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