did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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