so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
