so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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