no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize