My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
