is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
