His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
