Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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