i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i now understand why vodka
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
