As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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