Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
