I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
