lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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