hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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