we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
