You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
