pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you made out with another girl for some wings
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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