i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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