She said her name was "party"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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