Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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