You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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