I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
