Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
