apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
