i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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