She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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