try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
