I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize