**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My ass is underappreciated
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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