I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
