I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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