I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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