I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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