Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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