girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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