nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
