I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
