Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
