remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
