My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
