I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
