Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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