so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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