did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
