I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize