We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
