I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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