I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
