i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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