he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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