I just threw up on my dentist
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
