Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
