I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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