Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
