so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
