we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
either way he was missing a nipple.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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