i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
