So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
