Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
