you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
