You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize