i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
