we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
